it’s so fucking weird being home for the holidays. this bedroom was a place where i played pretend and stayed out of it. my childhood bedroom was a lilac-walled haven with a torn quilt and a teal set of sheets. i would sit at my too small, too short desk for hours and laugh with myself and cry with myself and write for myself. this room saw milestones. middle school. high school. college summers. a pandemic. now it’s gone. i’m a guest in the place that shaped maladaptive daydreams of safety and quiet. how many versions of have floated through this room, with headphones on wishing i was dimensions away. it’s so fucking weird being home for the holidays.
This might suck to hear, but if you’re a people pleaser that is motivated by praise and avoids disagreements, you are easy to manipulate.
When I was in therapy after surviving years of domestic violence, my therapist had to tell me that my personality was primed for abuse and we needed to work on that so I would be better equipped to see the red flags and respond appropriately in the future.
I’m still working on this, and it’s been 8 years. If you tell someone how you want to be treated, what behaviors you don’t tolerate in your life, what you’re looking for in that relationship, and they react negatively, don’t compromise yourself. Just move on.
This one’s for all the praise-kink girlies: differentiate, self-actualize, stay sexy
This resonated with more people than I thought, so here are some phrases to practice when you would normally default to people pleasing:
I’m not comfortable with that.
I’d rather not, but thank you for the offer!
You’re welcome to disagree, but that’s not something I’m okay with.
No.
It’s personal, and I’d prefer to keep it private.
That doesn’t work for me. How about x
I respect your opinion, but I’d rather do it my way.
That is behavior that I don’t tolerate.
To each their own.
I’m not looking for feedback right now, but if I’m looking for input later, I’ll let you know.
Oh, I’m not sure I agree; I thought x
When you did/said x, I wasn’t okay with that.
I don’t accept your apology.
I can accept your apology once you’ve addressed the problem.
Hey, could you help me with x?
I need to stop.
I need some time to myself.
Just remember, your thoughts, feelings, and opinions are what make you unique, and you can change your mind later, so don’t be afraid to say them out loud. Work through things. Don’t dodge them.
do you ever think about how darcy’s perspective of the visit to rosings is just… a completely wild time.
so like. he and his favourite cousin goes to visit with his weird aunt, and ends up running into this hot girl, that he’s really kinda increasingly into? she’s staying in the area for a while with her bestie.
so like. he was expecting a boring social obligation visit & getting pressure into marrying his other, less favourite cousin.
instead, he watches the hot girl hold her own with his aunt in conversation. she banters with him over the pianoforte and they have a Moment™. he keeps going over to the house she’s staying at, just to awkwardly chill there, even though he doesn’t like the other people there. has a whole conversation with her about how she wouldn’t mind living far away from family, as long as she could afford the travel. he extends his visit so he can keep seeing her.
when he runs into her on a walk, she makes a point of detailing the exact route she prefers to take while out walking, clearly encouraging him to join her, so he does. he has a really nice time on these walks, they spend a lot of time in companionable silence, but he manages to flirt a little by implying some stuff about the future & what their married life could be like, and they have some conversations about that.
and sure, she has some family baggage, but none of them are around so it’s a lot easier to ignore, y'know?
so eventually he just can’t take it anymore, and he shoots his shot. she clearly values honesty so he explains his scruples as well, but he thinks she’s been dropping some favourable signals, so he’s got a good chance, right?
and then not only she turns him down she ROASTS THE FUCK OUT OF HIM. she insults him. she insults his honour as a gentleman. she flips the fuck out about… oh yeah crap the sister thing, turns out his cousin blabbed, and then I’M SORRY YOU SAID WHAT? ABOUT WICKHAM? THIS IS ABOUT FUCKING WICKHAM, MY FUCKING NEMESIS? HE FUCKING SAID WHAT ABOUT…. OH MY GOD. oh fuck. I’ve fucked up so badly I need to reevaluate my entire life & risk sending a letter to an unmarried woman who hates my guts, just so i can explain shit. fuck.
